I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
