you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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