I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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