I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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