Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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