My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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