he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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