i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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