Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
