apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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