he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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