Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
