the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My breasts were aching with rage.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
