Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
