I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
