I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we made out on top of his cat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
