I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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