I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
