if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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