why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
