yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose