Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.