Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
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I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10