Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
