just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
