I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
