i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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