tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
