So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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