He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
