I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
