Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
