I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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