Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
