Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Operation Purity has been aborted
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
