I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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