I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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