somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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