he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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