Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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