i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
