"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
