you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
