never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
