The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
