I didn't shave. On purpose
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
