he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
