everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
