seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize