I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
