very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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