I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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