Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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