im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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