OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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