I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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