im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
