my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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