That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
