We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
