he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
