Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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