I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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