i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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