I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
