I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Panties = found
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
