guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
